Life after Abuse
Life After Abuse: My Story of Hope
I want to begin by saying this is not a cry for sympathy. I am not writing this to be pitied—I’m writing this because someone out there needs hope.
Someone is trapped in silence, thinking they’re alone, and I want them to know: you are not.
I’ve built a new life. It’s not perfect, and there are still moments where the shadows of my past creep in, but I’ve come a long way.
Healing was not a straight path—it took years of therapy, self-love, and inner strength I didn’t even know I had.
The Silent Struggles of a Shy Girl
As a teenager, I was shy, reserved, and constantly battling self-esteem issues. While my friends seemed confident and outgoing, I often felt invisible and unworthy.
I was teased—sometimes by my own family—and made to feel like the “ugly duckling” among the princesses. My confidence was battered long before my relationship ever began.
At home, my father was overly protective, while my mother quietly fought for my freedom.
She wanted me to experience joy, even if it meant facing my father’s anger. That love, I would later learn, would become a powerful lifeline.
A Love That Turned Into a Nightmare
At 17, I met a boy who had just transferred to my high school. He noticed me, and for the first time, I felt seen. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was ecstatic. I believed I had found my fairytale, my happy ending. But how wrong I was.
At 19, I told my parents I was getting married. My father said no—he saw the signs I refused to see. I thought he was just trying to control me.
When I tried to break things off, I became deeply depressed. I stopped eating. My mother, fearing for my life, gave in and supported the marriage.
That was the beginning of my descent.
From Hope to Horror
The abuse began early. The very first week of our marriage, he got into a violent altercation. I was terrified. But he promised it would never happen again—and I believed him.
It didn’t take long before the drinking started, followed by physical and emotional abuse. If dinner wasn’t to his liking, dishes would be thrown.
If I questioned him, I would be beaten up. I spent countless nights anxiously waiting for him, unsure of what version of him would walk through the door.
Still, I stayed.
Why I Didn’t Leave
It’s easy to ask, “Why didn’t she just leave?” But the answer is complex.
I stayed because I didn’t want to fail.
I stayed because I believed I could fix him.
I stayed because I was afraid.
I stayed because I was ashamed of being wrong.
I stayed because I thought I didn’t deserve better.
I tried everything—counselling, AA meetings, family interventions. There were periods of calm, moments when I thought we were healing.
But the cycle of violence always returned. The drinking was replaced by weed. The threats escalated. He even held weapons to my face.
I wanted to end my life more than once. But I had a son—and I couldn’t leave him behind.
The Affair That Saved Me
After ten years of chaos, I discovered he was having an affair with a co-worker. I was devastated, but strangely, it gave me the strength I needed.
It gave me a reason to walk away. I returned to my parents’ home, and not once did they say “I told you so.”
Shortly after deciding to divorce, I found out I was pregnant again. He begged me to return, to give the marriage another chance—for the sake of the kids. I agreed.
The very next day, he punched me in the face while I was protecting my unborn child.
That was my breaking point. I vowed to walk away for good.
But I still doubted and questioned whether I made the right decision. I didn’t believe in myself nor did I trust myself to survive on my own.
But slowly, one day at a time, I started to embrace single life again.
The Final Straw
After the divorce, he insisted on seeing the kids. I didn’t trust him, so I went along on one of their visits.
During that outing—right there on the beach, in front of his family and my children—he punched me in the eye.
That night, he came to our home again, he probably wanted to finish it off. I locked myself in my bedroom, my heart racing and having a full on panic attack, and I begged my father to call the police.
My father was able to convince him to leave, without harming me.
That was it, the day I was done. The day I realised the impact he truly had on my life. And I promised myself never to look back.
Healing Is Possible
Healing didn’t happen overnight. I still flinch at loud arguments. I can’t watch violent movies. The smell of alcohol makes me sick. Rejection stings deeper than it should. But I’m healing, slowly and surely.
I’ve learned to be gentle with myself. I’ve learned that my past does not define me. The choices I made when I didn’t know better do not determine my worth.
I am not a victim—I am a survivor.
You Are Not Alone
If you are in an abusive relationship, know this: you are not alone. Please tell someone.
Seek help.
Don’t wait for it to get worse.
Don’t wait 10 years like I did.
You can leave. You can heal. You can reclaim your life.
There is hope.
There is life after abuse.
And if you need a reminder:
You are worthy. You are strong. You are not to blame.
You are never too broken to start over.
You are so strong and courageous. Sending you so much love! ❤️????????
Thank you so much Leighann. Love and light to you too:-)
Truly humbled Lorraine by your strength and fortitude through this . You are an amazing soul and keep staying strong ???? as always
Thank you so much Rheena. I appreciate your kind words:-)
Thank you for sharing – may you and yours be blessed with everlasting happiness and joy -rene
Thank you so much Rene:-)
You are amazing, beautiful and so strong! I love your recipes. I made your berry pavlova for Christmas, that I found online. It was perfect especially as it was my first attempt!
Thank you for sharing your story! ????????
It is inspirational knowing that we do have the capacity to love and trust again after abuse.
It is possible!
Thank you so much for your kind words Vanessa. I’m also happy to hear you had success with your Pavlova. Took me a few attempts to get it right so I am glad it worked for you. Take Care:-)
I am so sorry that you had to experience this but I am glad that you didn’t give up and that you got out of the relationship.
I am a 22 year old women who recently got out of a emotionally abusive relationship, I completely understand what you mean about not wanting to admit that you were wrong about the person you were with.
I didn’t realize that I was being manipulated until the day I broke down and cried to a very close friend of mine, I have to say that she was my saving grace…I finally broke things off and now I am trying to focus on myself.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, Stay strong and keep loving yourself.
Thank you so much for your kind words Rene! Good for you for taking a stand and walking away. It’s never easy but it’s the first step to a beautiful life. Self-love is so important and I only discovered that not so long ago. Wishing you all the best and loads of happiness:-)
Hi Lorraine, I recently discovered your website after searching for a recipe of Chicken Tikka Masala, and I came across this post. I found it incredibly moving and I could relate to so many aspects of your story but from a different perspective.
I grew up in an abusive household, where my father exhibited the very same narcissistic and abusive tendencies you described, and all of which were focused towards my mother. As kids, my brother and I suffered the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional household. I eventually ran away from home at 19 and moved in with my boyfriend who was extremely kind and caring, and in a way was and still is my saving grace. For a long time, I lived a quiet and uneventful life, craving normality above all else. I went to university and even graduated with a PhD, believing myself to be free of my childhood trauma, but, having not dealt with my past properly, everything resurfaced later in my adult life. It is an ongoing battle, I can tell you that. I think you are incredibly brave and strong, and I really wish my mother had possessed those exact qualities – it would have made the world of difference to my brother and I, and saved us from a lot of pain we endured as kids. One thing I can say to any woman experiencing abuse with a possible way out, if you cannot leave for the sake of yourself, then please do so for your children or future children.
Thank you so much Stephanie! I am sorry that you had to go through that. One thing I can say it’s never easy leaving an abusive relationship. There’s a lot I haven’t shared but trust me a Mum never deliberately hurts her kids. I hope you find peace. Lots of love:-)
WOW! Thank you for being brave enough to share your story, you may never know how many lives you have touched or inspired. I pray that you will continue to heal from your pain and that your sons will continue to bring you such great joy that it will replace all the hurt and pain you experienced.
Thank you so much Jhinel. I have come a long way and I am grateful that I am slowly healing. I appreciate your kind words:-)
i am in tears reading youyr story, i was almost shot and killed by my childrens father this past weekend, as i sit at work being black and blue all over while i read your story it gives me hope that there is hope for me after all i am still very young and thought this was my forever i am so gratful my kids and i are alive however picking up the pieces seem nearly impossible i do blame myself i do feel maybe if i didnt do this or say that it might have played out differently maybe i was he problem for years you know.. seeing how youve walked away with yiur head held high is admirable thank you for sharing your story and giving me a shed of light and hope.
Hi Lorraine.
Reading your post takes me back to tooo many abusive alcoholic outbursts / and much more.
Until enough was enough, I walked away with my two boys back to my parents.
Our crowns have been adjusted and we stand strong
Good for you Jeanni. You should be so proud and I hope you are in a happier space, filled with love:-)